Sex shouldn't be a reward for you!
My heart sank as I read this on Sandra Ibex 's Facebook Time line.
A woman wrote Sandra to say this:
""My husband's sexual feelings are tied to money. When he has money, he would want to have sex but when he is broke, he will be angry and wouldn't even sleep in the same bed with me talk more of having sex. This is our third year in marriage with no issue. I am sick and tired of this routine sex life. I have begged him to at least meet with me during my fertile period so I can conceive, he refused. Right now, I am beginning to think if he is fertile because he doesn't talk about having children and I am worried and sick. I am planning on getting pregnant outside but I need you to post this for me first let me hear other women's experience too"
My REACTION: ( I am ignoring her worry to go get 'it' outside and whether the man wants children, just focusing on the first issue)
Now, during one of our men informal hangouts in Abuja, I got a lot of education from married men as they shared certain things around control, home affairs, communication and sex.
This particular issue was thoroughly trashed by one of the men in 'the league' that i really respect. ( I am tempted to tag him but no)
Now, he explained not wanting or even feeling 'sexual' whenever he is broke and how he learnt it was killing him, his affection to his wife and his marriage at the time.
He said, he heard God speak to him that you 'can't be broke, and still deprive your dear wife of sex" - two evils at once.
Then he swallowed his pride and began this very great sexual adventure that mended his marriage and consequently got his wife to support him despite his phase of being broke and he got of out the condition faster than usual. He attributed re-engineering his sex life even when he is broke to being one of the successes he has made in his marriage so far.
I was thoroughly schooled that day as we chatted away over lunch!
It taught me and others in that gist spot a lot of lessons.
PS: Because we make men, the gender that doesn't deserve to be loved except they can 'provide', they soon accept that and then become 'impotent' whenever they cannot 'perform'.
That is dehumanising.
Dear men, like I will always tell you - what you've got or don't have, does not define the 100% man that you are.
You are human first, before male.
Humans sometimes get broke, so why not you? Because you are a man?
Come off it!
My heart goes out to this man, and even more to his wife who wrote Sandra on this very dicey issue.
I am not an authority in marriage but thought to share what this post reminded me of that I had learnt about men and sex when broke. Hope we pick the lesson, women and men.