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When ManUp is not Bad Afterall : Put It On The Shelf by Kenneth O. Ogbebor

From One Brother To Another Brother

I got this post off our "League of Extraordinary Men' Group where one of the men Ogbebor Osazze Kenneth is celebrating his 8 years wedding anniversary today.

He wrote from his heart about what he has learnt from finding his wife, handling rejection and getting accepted and more. It will blow your mind guys. Read and apply.

Happy Anniversary sir Ogbebor Osazze Kenneth and your super gorgeous wife!

(Long post Alert)

Sometime in 2008, I was having the all too usual single guys rant about sisters asking for too much, being high minded, and all what not. I said to the guy I was talking to that day “what the ladies are asking for is not on the shelf” and his cute reply was “Then put it on the shelf”.

As I celebrate my wedding anniversary, the first eight years of forever, I want to leave a message for somebody out there, particularly the single guys and married men too. If what they are asking for is not on the shelf of your life, do not tell them to settle for less, please put “it” on the shelf; particularly, if they are things that will benefit you personally if you had them in place.
You must sincerely ask yourself as a young man, whether you will marry you in your present state if you were a purpose driven, responsible and self-confident lady. One of the reasons some people are not married is because they have not built capacity in critical areas that are important for a successful marriage.

You see many boys running around in men’s bodies driven more by hormonal overdrive than a rational thinking and they assume that masculinity is about the third leg, six packs or just a fat bank account; it is all that and so much more. “Boys must be boys” is a fallacy. We must “Boys2men” at a point in life and what better time than when we want to get married. So when the ladies say “man up”, please do not chicken out, “Man up”, please step up to the plate, stand up and be counted.

Instead of asking the ladies to lower their standards, why don’t you raise your game? Bring your A-game to the table and if anyone tells you “no”, you can walk away with your ego on point saying to her “you don’t know what you’re missing” because you know you’ve got this.

Why do you want to back out when they say step up? If you had a strategic life plan, a career path or a business growth plan, a source of income or cash flow, in control of your finances, had some quid in the bank, drive a nice car and lived in a nice house, will you not enjoy all of them? Is it just for her or the life upgrade will be for your immediate and long term good?

If you had your emotions under control, learn to be selfless, considerate, friendly, forgiving, loving, caring and acquire other good virtues, will it not be for your own good or will it just be for her? They say “Know your way, no be curse”. People who really love you and care will not leave you wallowing in dirt, playing small or plain stupid. They will demand more, a better version of you as the days unfold.

You do not have to have it all together, no one does and no one ever will. But you must have your basic game together and be getting better by the day. Take me as am is an excuse for stagnancy. You cannot be who and all you can be if you remain who you are and where you are. You cannot ask a lady to go with you on a journey when you are not going anywhere or you do not know where you are going.

If you are not up to it today, get back to the drawing board, as they say in Nigerian sports, re-strategize, raise your game and even if you get no the first time, like me, come back stronger, wiser, better and even richer and when you lay your A-game on the table and have necessary requirements on the shelf, you will find out that ladies too have a right to change their mind and a “NO” flipped right side up is actually “ON”.

So get to work, get your game on.

One last piece of advice, whatever you do, marry a lady smarter than you. You know you are not all that, so marry to improve the family gene pool, you will thank me later.

Go build capacity. Go get this done. You can do this. You were born to do this. There is the shout of a king within. There is greatness within. Let it out. Let it show.