Everywhere around us, we see boys and grown men exhibiting violent behaviours. There are usually 99% more men in prisons and it seems okay, because after all would we rather have more women there? Lack of personal leadership skills and irresponsibility even in the home front where men are supposed to be the ‘heads’ is a constant reality. Sexual perversion of all sorts, is not uncommon with boys and men, and to us it isn’t really a big deal. In fact both men and women have come to accept the tragedy that has befallen the male…almost as if they are usually born as the ‘other dysfunctional necessary gender’.
In 2017, while I propagated good values for men and advocate for boys not being abused as they grow to become abusers through my online posts, I was confronted twice by the same man in different occasions.
This particular man was quick to ‘remind’ me that men who were sexually abused by house helps, teachers, parents et al ‘are not complaining’, including him – meaning that they were okay with being abused.
In the course of my work with men too, most abused men have opened up that they actually took the sexual abuse they experienced as boys as their baptism into manhood and that is the reason they have continued ‘sowing wild oats’ through life without being mindful of their health, loved ones, vows or risking death.
So here are 4 reasons why I think boys and men would remain abused until we change our stance:
We do not think boys need to be guided and shielded from abuse and we have showed them that too.
This is obvious with the way we ignore their plights, tell them not to chatter like girls, and teach them to bottle up emotions and ManUp. Boys are being raised to consider indiscriminate sex as healthy masculinity and being able to ‘bend a girl over’ as playing in the big league.
They see our style of parenting that is purely focused on girls, so they easily know where they stand and get easily schooled in their misery by other emotionally ‘abandoned’ boys growing to be men’
We Make them Look Forward To Abuse
We predispose boys to abuse by being permissive with them. The fathers , uncles and males figure they see make violent behaviour look cool and the acceptance by women validates the lifestyle further. Fellow boys who have been abused by older men, older women would tell the tales as boys, and they begin to expect their turn or even initiate it with their mates sometimes.
Women and girls are now on rampage, haunting for males more than in any age.
Today so many men are being put on the defensive by girls and women who brazenly offer their bodies to them. In an age of women liberation, technology and civilization, more girls are no longer satisfied with their boyfriends and husbands, but would double date and bet to get target men in bed, for money, pleasure or plain #girlpower validation. This is also informed by the years of ‘caging’ the female and letting the male ‘fly’ which is being virally contested now with more women in the ‘if it’s not wrong for him, why should it be wrong for me” syndrome. So no wonder, there are more stories of women in their 30s sexually violating boys as young as 4 years old.
We have made girls and women believe boys and men are victims.
We teach girls to hold men to certain standards even when unrealistic and shame them when they do not meet up. So a real man, in an average girls’ corner, must be rich, smell nice, speak well, is gentle, bold and courageous, never shows emotion/vulnerability, is built and must live life providing for the woman. So men have become those humans that must ‘perform to earn love’. In the same vein, when they are abused, they dare not voice it out lest they be shamed and tagged weak sissies, so they will grow to hide it and internally combust with their helplessness.
The trauma, stress and dysfunction as well as the mental disorders these experiences have on the average man is so disempowering and incapacitating just like in females.
I didn’t intend this to be this long, but I want to know if you think abuse of boys and men will not make our world even more dangerous for everyone? With the trends, can we curb the low self-esteem, irresponsibility, violence and vice-ridden lifestyle of most boys and men? Where do you think we should begin?
Picture originally owned by Daily Times